


Apples and Grapes

by luciusmistress



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Humiliation, Humour, Teenagers, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-01-30
Updated: 2009-01-30
Packaged: 2017-10-15 03:17:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/156481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luciusmistress/pseuds/luciusmistress
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Drunken teenage James and Sirius have a little confrontation with our favourite Slytherins.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Apples and Grapes

**Author's Note:**

> This was written way, way back in the days when we assumed Lucius was only a year or two older than Severus and the Marauders. Gift ficlet for ms_anthrophy.

Apples and Grapes

 

”Well fuck you!” Sirius was getting aggressively drunk and was now staring at James fiercely.

 

“Come on, it’s a cardinally bad idea. Why don’t we just stay here and finish the bottle…” James tried to be the voice of reason for once.

 

“But I want to go and kick his arse right now,” Sirius slurred. “He’s a fucking twat and you know it.” Giving Sirius Firewhisky had obviously not been a good idea. “We just take your Cluack…I mean Cloak and go and beat the living daylights out of him.”

 

“First of all, it’s late and he won’t be around anymore. There’s no way we can get into the Slytherin dungeons and if Pringle catches us one more time we’re really in trouble.”

 

“Fuck, James, you sound like fucking Peter. When did you become such a baby?” Sirius tried to open the door but James held on to him. “Come on, I just want to see if the greasy git is anywhere to be seen.”

 

Finally James gave in and hid them both under his Invisibility Cloak. He usually carried it with him, just in case. The two boys tumbled out through the portrait hole and into the school corridors, trying not to hit walls or fall down stairs. After more than half a bottle of Firewhisky it wasn’t easy for two to walk around under one Cloak, no matter how used to it they were.

 

Near the portrait of Barnabas the Barmy they stopped to have a swig from their bottle. James spilled Firewhisky all over his robes as someone walked right into him.

 

“Ouch, what the fuck? Who’s there?”

 

“Well, well, well. If this here is Potter, I am sure Black can’t be far.” A cold, silky voice. Pale hands appeared out of nowhere and pulled their Cloak off.

 

“Fuck me blind with a broomstick! It’s Lucius fucking Malfoy, the chief bastard of Slytherin House!” Sirius was too drunk to consider the wisdom of insulting a school Prefect while wondering around the school after hours. James bit his lip. Now they were definitely in trouble. Malfoy would enjoy turning them in.

 

“If that was a weird suggestion, Black, you are even sicker than I thought.” A new person had materialized out of thin air. James grabbed a firm hold of Sirius the second he recognised the voice. Sirius was likely to attempt to attack this person even under Lucius Malfoy’s nose, which could only make things worse.

 

“And Snivelly, too. Going out with Malfoy, are you?” For that, Sirius received a sharp slap on his face.

 

“Ten points from Gryffindor. And if you don’t behave, I will have to take fifty.”

 

“You can’t take points from us. Only teachers can.”

 

“I have an… understanding with Slughorn. He thinks Prefects ought to have a bit more authority.”

 

“Prefects who belong to the Slug Club, that is.”

 

Malfoy’s smirk confirmed Sirius’ words.

 

James decided to try against hope to solve the mess. “Malfoy, is there any chance that you could just let us go back to our dormitory without any trouble?”

 

Lucius turned to look at him. “And what would you be willing to offer me in exchange for that, Potter?” His smile was predatory. It was quite obvious that he enjoyed the situation immensely.

 

James thought quickly while forcing Sirius to shut up. “If you turn us in we’ll tell that Sniv…I mean Snape was here as well.”

 

“Why, exactly, should I care about that?”

 

Snape looked a bit hurt by this indifference, but said nothing. Instead he stared at James with such hatred in his eyes that if looks could kill, he would have been nothing but a puddle on the floor.

 

James was taken aback by the Slytherins’ reactions and accidentally let go of Sirius. The drunken boy got his wand out in a second but stumbled over his incantation, giving Snape time to pull out his own wand.

 

“Rictu…”

 

“No,” Lucius silenced him before he could cast his spell. “Don’t be stupid, you’d be expelled for using that. They are not worth that much. Why don’t you try the one we’ve been practising lately?”

 

Before Sirius had had time to react, Snape pointed his wand at the drunken boy in a slightly different angle and muttered an incantation James did not recognize. Sirius lowered his own wand instantly and stepped back with a look of pain spreading on his face.

 

“What did you do to him?” James asked, feeling slightly worried. It wasn’t like Sirius not to fight back.

 

Both Slytherins ignored him. Instead, Malfoy turned to Snape.

 

“I’m afraid I’ll have to take five points from Slytherin for that, Sev. Nice hex, though.”

 

“No it wasn’t. I meant apples, not bloody grapes.”

 

“How many times do I need to tell you that for apple-sized ones the stress is on the first syllable? The way YOU say it, they’ll never get bigger than grapes.”

 

“WHAT did you do to Sirius?” James asked again, slightly louder. Snape losing five points for hexing Sirius when Malfoy had taken ten from Sirius just for insulting them made a mockery of justice. It made him angry, angrier than if the Slytherin Prefect had let Snape get away with it altogether.

 

Malfoy turned back to face him with a patronizing smile.

 

“Haemorrhoids, Potter. The size of grapes only, because Sev here can’t get his pronunciation right. Don’t you Gryffindors know anything?”

 

James opened his mouth to answer, found no words insulting enough, and closed it again.

 

“I think I’ll take another ten points for you being an ignorant git, Potter. Off you go now, and don’t let me catch you two wondering around the school at this hour again.”

 

The Slytherins disappeared down the hallway with heads held high, leaving James to drag a silenced Sirius back to the Gryffindor tower. The worst thing was that he could not complain to the teachers about Snape and Malfoy without getting himself and Sirius into worse trouble. 


End file.
